Seshpawn: A cautionary tale

PR Photo for Musician Janell “Jay” Lord, known professionally as SESHPAWN

I’ve always been a Creative. My entire life, I’ve written, I’ve acted, I’ve danced and occasionally I paint and attempt to sing. I was literally born with the desire to be Creative. My skills were honed when I was accepted to and attended the School for Performing Arts in Cincinnati, Ohio as a middle schooler. Despite all the opportunities I had to excel, I never had adults in my inner circle who had my back. Well, I had teachers, but not parents or family who encouraged me.

Even when I applied, on my own, to SCPA (School for Creative and Performing Arts), my father hid the acceptance letter for two months. I found it totally by accident. He called it stupid and told me to just focus on regular school. Nope. I absolutely would not. Creativity was in my heart and soul. My father wouldn’t even take me to school. I’d have to navigate the bus system in Cincinnati if I wanted to attend. So I did. Four buses and almost three hours each way, but I did it. And I’m thankful I did.

Without support, though, I had to set Creative dreams aside for a bit and do some things that would allow me to return to them later. So, after a career in the United States Army, I could finally focus on being Creative. I had a renewed commitment to mentor and support “kids like me” who had no or limited support system in their lives for their Creative dreams. I also vowed to be a friend and support the kids who did have such support. After all, you can never have too much support for your Creative dreams.'

Musician Jay Lord (SESHPAWN) while on a video shoot

Enter stage left… Jay Lord. Jay, a very talented musician who used the name Seshpawn, became one of my “work kids” earlier this year. We connected when he said he had a military parent and was born in Germany… Just like my son! Then I discovered he and my son were the exact same age, my son just a few months older. Jay was smart as a whip and often helped me with making spreadsheets, etc. Anytime I couldn’t see something because the print was just too tiny for my old and weathered eyes, he’d read it for me. He was constantly grabbing snacks when he should have been working, but he was kind enough to always offer to grab everyone else some, too.

He’d often fall asleep at work, and people would tease him or joke about it, even though it was more annoying than funny. If it got too quiet, people would start looking around to make sure he wasn’t asleep. Sometimes, out of the blue, you’d hear random snoring. He’d fallen asleep, even though we hadn’t done anything strenuous yet.

I remember once wondering if he was using drugs. Then I chastised myself for wanting to ask such a “rude” question. Despite being the cool work mom, certain questions will just seem like a breach of trust to the work kids, so I let it be. He was finishing up his Master degree. Surely he was “smarter” than to use drugs. He had so many plans for life. And he REALLY loved performing. His shows were high energy and crowds always seemed mesmerized whenever he’d show me videos. He had solid plans in place to expand his musical dreams and a great business acumen. He was exceptionally vibrant, humble kind and SMART. So surely he knew better than to dabble in drugs. Surely he knew the dangers and knew drugs could steal all his dreams.

He absolutely did not. Well, perhaps on some level he did, but caution was tossed to the wind, and dabble in drugs he did. It cost him more than just his dreams and his job. It cost him his life a few days ago. For that, I am forever heartbroken. Even more heartbreaking to me was finding an interview he did just before he died where he spoke of drug abuse and the negative impacts to his life and music. None of us saw that interview until after he overdosed. I can’t help but wonder if anything at all could have been different had we been aware of his admission regarding the pills he took that ultimately snatched him away from his family and all who knew and loved him.

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He’d already been fired from his position with me, but I admired how he seemingly kept his head up. He kept making music and building his creative empire. He’d just recently had a show and the video I saw was absolutely amazing. He had also just released a brand new song four days before he died, available wherever you listen to music.

I hadn’t ordered Door Dash since 2020 when the Pandemic started, but for some reason, two days before he died, I ordered Door Dash and he happened to be the delivery person. As he left, he was singing and dancing. Full of energy. That’s the image I want to keep in my head. I’m thankful God allowed me to see him, like that, in that setting, one last time.

I also hope his life will be a cautionary tale for any young people who knew him and think it’s cool to partake of illicit substances. I sure hope so, and I’ve now let my other work kids know this firsthand. I told them what I’ve always told my son: We all do stupid things, but don’t do something so stupid it permanently has a negative impact on your life or ends your life. Parents, mentors, friends… ask the tough questions. Intervene. Sound like a broken record. You can only help change an outcome before it happens, not afterward. But also remember, behavior only changes when the person WANTS to change it. Maybe if we, as a society, stop glorifying and glamming up how “harmless” and “cool” drugs are, just maybe, our kids will also think they are icky and avoid them. Maybe..

Rest in peace, Jay.

Musician Jay Lord (SESHPAWN) at one of his final performances